“Heroism is courage despite consequence.” From B.C. comic strip by Mastroianni and Hart
Connie’s Thoughts
Loss and Sovereignty
Yesterday, I learned that an 8 month old who I’d had the pleasure of meeting, holding, interacting with, had died. I knew she was sick but I was certain that God was going to make it so that she’d pull through. I was certain, even if it took a miracle, that chemo would work. I was certain.
So, when I got the news yesterday, and realized that that young couple, her parents, would return to an empty car seat, an empty crib, an empty baby’s room, that I would never again see those little feet dangling from a carrier or those little chubby fingers tucked securely in her mouth, serving as a snack until real nourishment came, I was overcome with such emotion that I had to close my office door for a while and simply stare out the window, tears streaming. There was such a heaviness and disappointment. It was hard to focus the remainder of the day. I got some work done, but not as much as I’d planned, for I couldn’t fully concentrate. And that was from me…I cannot fathom what her parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles must be feeling. I cannot fathom.
I arose this morning, still wondering why babies are allowed to get sick and die before their parents; it seems unnatural. I didn’t want the trite answer of, “God needs them there with Him more than here” or some such. I know I’ve heard logical explanations before but none would resurface for me. And then. And then I heard Darryl Coley singing, “God Is Sovereign.” I heard him singing clearly and I came to rest in the fact that He knows best. Even when we don’t understand and may never understand on this side of Heaven, He is still on the throne and knows best. I have to end with, while I would have preferred that her suffering end on this side of Heaven and her parents not have to endure this hardship, there is comfort in the fact that she is suffering no more. I know that God will grant her family the peace and strength needed to get through the funeral, burial, and life thereafter. There is comfort in that as well.
Purpose
“The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.” Dante Alighieri
Let’s face it: We are part of the problem OR we are part of the solution. Ponder which side you are on in the present and which side you will choose in the future. Ponder…and then take action.
#purposefulpursuits #livingwithpassion #livingwithpurpose #makeadifference #purpose
My Reflection on “Black Lives Matter”
When I first heard the term “Black Lives Matter”, I was offended because I am SUCH a celebrator of all races and cultures that I considered the phrase to be exclusionary. However, as time and crime and injustice has progressed, I have listened more closely and come to understand the intent behind the phrase. All lives matter, yes, but more of us must come to accept that black lives matter…TOO! Black lives, men and women, are just as important as all else (same can be said for Native Americans, as this is another race that is often harassed and undermined). But back to my own primary race, there appears to be an evilness that wants to gain strength in its quest to target and ravish the black community. Our children are targeted in schools AND on the streets, their punishments within educational institutions are greater and stricter (ex: school to prison pipeline and frequency of expulsion), objectivity is subjective, and fairness is not meted out equally (so fairness ain’t fair). This goes beyond our police officers.
If what is happening in current day was new, it would be less egregious. However, it’s not new; it is a continuance of past treatment, only highlighted and more exposed now because of social media and the ease to capture and expose injustices with the use of cell phones. No, not new. The black on black crime rate is newer than the load of crap and injustice that is occurring in current day America. My mind screams why, why, why??!?!? Why are we STILL dealing with an inability to simply see people as people and NOT see color first? Why won’t it stop? When will it stop? What will it take, IN ADDITION to prayer, for it to stop? Yes, I threw prayer in there. I do believe it is necessary to seek God in prayer during these times, as more people did in the past. But, prayer is a portion of the needed movement, the needed resurrection of change. While I constantly hear discussion on areas for change, I still ask how to effect mass change that has to affect the mind and the heart, in order to have an external impact? I don’t know right now but I do know that it will take more than a few months, more than a few politicians on each side of the congressional aisle, more than a few people in power, more than a few preachers, educators, commentators, and grass roots advocates…it will take a lot more than just a few. The cynical, bottom line portion of my personality screams: “Let talks and collaboration begin, but talk only if it will lead to proper action to ensure justice for all, all the time.” To discuss and remain without action need not be the choice that America decides to take, for if we choose to put this issue on the back burner, America will find itself at war within, and Dallas will seem minuscule.
Ending thought: I am aware that my church provided a forum, also known as a safe environment, for black men to have a discussion after last week. We will enfold families into such a discussion in the future. Bishop Jakes’ church held something of a community forum for all to come and speak, listen, be heard. I’ve read of other forums that took place, within and external to houses of worship. All of these are admirable and necessary starting points, and I applaud the leaders who initiated them. I pray the momentum remains as we embark upon nothing short of a rejuvenation of the Civil Rights era. As Professor Danielle Koonce has shared on Facebook, we are in a marathon, not a sprint. Let’s position ourselves accordingly.
#BlackLivesMatter #AllLivesMatter #JusticeforAll
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Meanwhile, back in Connieland, guess I’ll continue to think on this myself, on what actions I can take in my quest for change towards a fight to lessen racism and ensure that the scale of equity and justice is a more balanced concept.
Father’s Day – 2016
“Fathers”
The unspoken and often, unsung, heroes that anchor us. They are providers of tough love, encouragement, and the challenges that shape us and strengthen us.
Fathers are our coaches.
Fathers provide examples of what a princess should expect and what a man should be.
Fathers teach us when it’s ok to cry and when we must suck it up and press onward, when to accept defeat and when to fight for victory.
Fathers love us unconditionally.
Fathers are strength personified and love on legs.
To good fathers everywhere, thank you for giving us our first glimpse of God.
Every Mom
To the single moms, who do the work of two parents and often go without so their children can thrive, who sometimes feel alone and forgotten, we say: You are remembered and we THANK YOU.
To the adoptive moms, whether through step children, foster children, or children left to you in a will, for your decision to love and your strength to sacrifice, we THANK YOU.
To the foster moms, who apply for the honor to raise children for both the short-term and long-term, who give time, resources, and fight for those who have sometimes been abandoned, abused, neglected, or deemed unlovable by another, we say, “THANK YOU.”
To those that did not give birth but you constantly give the type of hugs, love, and nurturing that only a mom can give, we say, “THANK YOU.”
To all “moms” everywhere, for all that you are and all that you do, we simply would like to say, “THANK YOU.”
Written for Mother’s Day 2016
©2016 by Dr. Connie R. Shipman
Being Trustworthy
Before I delve into the true purpose for this post, allow me to share that for whatever reason, God has seen fit to place in my path quite a few people who are private people. Of course, I don’t mind this. Among the things that I really care about in a person, they include his or her ability to be genuine and his/her heart for love and equity of others. Because those are among the main characteristics that I look for, I have an otherwise diverse set of personalities in my life.
Last evening, I had the opportunity to catch up with a very dear person who, for the short time I’ve known her, I have come to assume is a private person. I learned last night that she is indeed a private person and I have become one of the people that she trusts. As I reflected on this during my drive home, I counted it an honor and one more thing for which to be grateful…to be of the character and personality that can be considered as trustworthy, and not be considered as gossipy and judgmental. I’m steadily growing but folks, it is important to consistently strive to be our best selves. With most of us being our own worst critic, daily, let us savor the moments when we hear that we have been some good to others. We don’t have to be arrogant or narcissistic, but we also don’t need to always minimize or brush off the compliments we receive. Well, that’s it and that’s all for now. Carry on with your day, have a good weekend, and if you wish, share what it means to you to be trustworthy. Consider what are some of your more appreciated characteristics and what changes would you like to see in yourself. Smooches and tootles! #trust #gratitude
Be Certain
“I learned that once I had what I wanted, I found I didn’t want what I had.” Lesson: Before you make the decision to have an affair, to leave the relationship, to walk off your job without notice, to make any major decision based off feelings alone, be certain of what you want. Reality: The end result may not be what you thought you were going to get.
A “Too Realistic” Dream
Last night/this morning, I had a dream that was so real that I sat up and had to ensure I was in my own home and in my own bed. I dreamed I was visiting this small town in NC where poverty and kindness are prominent. I was dining somewhere with good home cooking when I heard a few teenagers at a table behind me share with a comrade that he could eat a whole ….something if he wanted to. He agreed. As is my nature, I was tuning in and out of the conversation…it wasn’t MY conversation so why use my energy to listen to it? Anyhoo, my ears perked up when I overheard something along the lines of, “…Man, I’m not going to college. I’ll probably die by the time I’m eighteen.” My heart broke. I wondered, Should I now intrude on this convo? Yep, I must. And so I did. I turned around briefly to see to whom I would be speaking. It was a teenager-looking Caucasian male with brown-reddish hair who was quite heavy for his height (he was sitting so I couldn’t be certain). He didn’t look uncomfortable but he looked like he was heading towards difficulties with movement and breathing if he continued to become obese. Our backs were to each other and I was positioned so that my chair was to the right side of his. I leaned back and began,
“Excuse me, young man. I couldn’t help but overhear a smidge of your words. Why do you think you will die by 18 years of age and not make it to college?”
“Look lady, I’m 14 and 238 pounds. I’m smart but my family is poor and so is this town. Getting out is hopeless, so I’ll continue to enjoy food until I die, which might be by 18 if I keep eating the way I do.”
“Hmmmm, well, it’s unfortunate you feel that way. If you use your smarts to do well in school, there may be resources to help you go to college. But, if you eat your way to an early grave, that’s your choice to make. Look, young man, we don’t know each other, but I beg of you to consider a future with you in it. Find a different path.”
I cannot recall the rest of the dream but I know that it ended with a look from him that said, I’m considering your words, lady, but I don’t know. I don’t know you and you don’t know my situation or my future.
Any you know what my dear reader? He would be correct – we didn’t know each other, I certainly didn’t know his family situation nor what his future would hold. He’s a teenager. How much control does he have to make the needed changes? Hmmmm, so what do I make of this dream? Encourage people even when I feel it isn’t my business to do so, listen more carefully to what others are saying, eat less myself so that I do not go from a fairly healthy plump person to obesity induced health issues, research scholarships for smart, young people in poverty!?!?!?! I don’t know. I’ll have to ponder. I do know that his plight is real. Why the situation hit my dreams, I’m still figuring that out. Just thought I’d share. Tootles!
My Therapy 