Loss and Sovereignty

Yesterday, I learned that an 8 month old who I’d had the pleasure of meeting, holding, interacting with, had died. I knew she was sick but I was certain that God was going to make it so that she’d pull through. I was certain, even if it took a miracle, that chemo would work. I was certain.

So, when I got the news yesterday, and realized that that young couple, her parents, would return to an empty car seat, an empty crib, an empty baby’s room, that I would never again see those little feet dangling from a carrier or those little chubby fingers tucked securely in her mouth, serving as a snack until real nourishment came, I was overcome with such emotion that I had to close my office door for a while and simply stare out the window, tears streaming. There was such a heaviness and disappointment. It was hard to focus the remainder of the day. I got some work done, but not as much as I’d planned, for I couldn’t fully concentrate. And that was from me…I cannot fathom what her parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles must be feeling. I cannot fathom.

I arose this morning, still wondering why babies are allowed to get sick and die before their parents; it seems unnatural. I didn’t want the trite answer of, “God needs them there with Him more than here” or some such. I know I’ve heard logical explanations before but none would resurface for me. And then. And then I heard Darryl Coley singing, “God Is Sovereign.” I heard him singing clearly and I came to rest in the fact that He knows best. Even when we don’t understand and may never understand on this side of Heaven, He is still on the throne and knows best. I have to end with, while I would have preferred that her suffering end on this side of Heaven and her parents not have to endure this hardship, there is comfort in the fact that she is suffering no more. I know that God will grant her family the peace and strength needed to get through the funeral, burial, and life thereafter. There is comfort in that as well.

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